Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's. Only. Wednesday.

This week just keeps on ripping through me like a pinecone someone just made me eat.

I don't have much to say right now because I'm too wiped out, but my folks re-proposed the idea tonight that I move home and do nursing school in Dallas while living with them. It would be great financially (on one hand) because I wouldn't be paying rent. But it would mean leaving Chicago, which has been my home for 6 1/2 years. This would extend to leaving my friends, the first apartment I've had since Fullerton that has been a cool place to live, the theater scene I moved across the country for, my brand-new voiceover agent I spent 6 years trying to get, seasons, my 24 jobs, doing massage in general, independence, autonomy, and quite possibly everything that makes me me.

It would be temporary. But who's to say my friends would even still be here when I got back? What if I came back and went to an audition and people looked at me like, "Wow. You're 30. I've never seen you before. Go do some student films at Columbia College and then maybe I'll give you the time of day."

What's more, I've never only done one thing at a time. I've always gone to school and worked, or worked and acted, or worked, worked, gone to school, acted, and interned. My life is nutty and crazy overbooked, and that's how I like it. If I didn't have time to work, or because of differences in licensure I just worked like 2 hours a week at Starbucks in my parents' neighborhood, and my only obligation was to school, what would I do to keep from going batshit insane? It's a real question.

I'm so tired right now. Despite the wonderful support of my family and their incredibly generous offer I can easily picture myself alone in Dallas, depressed out of my mind, rethinking this and realizing I've made a huge mistake. Or in Chicago in ten years, wishing I'd just done the smart thing and done nursing school in Dallas when I'd had the chance.

See what I mean?


Blogger Princess Lolly said...

kathryn. if you leave chicago (even temporarily), your friends, neighborhoods, theatre scene- maybe not the voiceover agent or rad apartment- and things you love about the city will most likely still be here. that said, DON'T LEAVE. that that said, you need to figure out if nursing is the pie in the sky goal you really really wanna do. if it is, dallas would be a good plan. if it's a combo of lack of money and a desire for a "valid" career, maybe you're just friend-crushing on the whole thing. does this make any sense?

6:49 AM  
Anonymous Carlson said...

Follow your heart hot stuff. Easy doesn't make something right.

5:30 PM  
Blogger RebeccaZ said...

I wholeheartedly agree with Princess Lolly.

And have things to say about the following:

"What if I came back and went to an audition and people looked at me like, "Wow. You're 30. I've never seen you before. Go do some student films at Columbia College and then maybe I'll give you the time of day."

Not gonna happen. For example, Nicolle Van Dyke, who played Beatrice in our A View from the Bridge, hadn't acted for 10 years when we invited her to do the role. 10 years! And, on her first try back with acting and the Chicago scene, she got a Jeff nod.

A little time off can be a great thing.

But ... as Princess Lolly said ... if you're worried about the theatre scene and what might happen if you leave it for a while, are you really that interested in pursuing nursing? Could that pursuit be put on hold for a few years so you can continue pursuing Lady Theatre to see what may lay in store for you?

If you're not ready to leave Chicago, then don't do it.

Plus, we sure would miss yins.

12:49 PM  
Blogger thesaurasaurus said...

Thanks, guys. I appreciate getting anyone's take on this who isn't my mother or myself.

A couple of other factors have come into my head that are both pro-this:

1. When I'm 45 and have a good job and great benefits, will I really care that much about 2-3 years in my late 20s when I lived in Dallas for a change?

2. I love my parents dearly and see them 1-2 times a year. It might actually be very rewarding to see them all the time for a while. As usual, I think about things in terms of death. Someday I won't be able to see them anymore. Maybe I should use the chance while I have it.

3. I still have some theatre connections in Dallas. Not that I know they'd take me back, but it might give me a good chance to try out a different scene for a while. Even if I only do shows during summer vacations.

Thanks again, you guys. I'm still all a-think about it.

1:02 PM  

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