A hair self-indulgent, but cheaper than therapy...

ok, so maybe that title is overly judgmental and obnoxious. I don't think people who see shrinks to figure things out are necessarily self-indulgent. That point is neither here nor there. Another day maybe I'll talk about therapy (what I know of it, which isn't a lot), as well as my complicated relationships with SSRIs (selective seratonin re-uptake inhibitors ie. Prozac), which is complicated given that I have a long unsatisfying history of never taking them and yet having them indirectly affect me.

Yep. It's going to be one of those.

I have a good friend who writes a great sex column. She is a completely fabulous girl to hang out with, and personally I find her very inspiring because she works 7 days a week, multiple jobs, remains buoyant and not tired-looking and manages to write a lot and have great sex and not put up with any crap. At least this is how she appears to me.

The latest column had to do with sexual slang. The word in focus was slump-buster. Apparently a slump-buster is the token non-hottie in a group of female friends who makes all her friends look and feel more gorgeous by comparison. Guys usually sleep with the slump-buster when they are in a bit of a low patch sexually and need to get laid again in order to raise their self-esteem for the hunting of more serious contenders. Another name for the slump-buster is the grenade. As in what one guy has to fall on top of to keep his buddies alive.

Here's what's puzzling to me. In my groups of friends (work friends, school friends, friends friends, etc.) I am often the single female out with couples. I am often the one who isn't dating anyone. I am frequently the one required to provide the humorous 'single perspective' on world events. Tales of the odd men who hit on me, the strange, puzzling pick-up lines that come my way, stories of the weird things I did in college, when I was not the only single person anywhere. When I go out with the girls I work with, many of whom are unmarried yet still in full thrall of their dating potential, I frequently have to leave when they start talking about the guys they're dating, because I have nothing to share.

My work pals and I always get the following comment: "You ALL work at the bookstore? But you're ALL gorgeous!" And then everyone but me gets to go home with someone, and I am left with the underage brother of someone, or the divorced dad from out of town, or someone's ex who wants to 'commiserate.' There is not one girl I know who is clearly a grenade or a slump-buster. Which makes me wonder: given the track record and the history and everything else, are there some groups of gorgeous women where there isn't a slump-buster? Or am I the slump-buster? And then: I can't be the slump-buster; I'm not getting enough action! And then: maybe other slump-busters are hotter than me! And then: how do I know if I'm that girl?

The inviolable secrets of the universe taunt me. Who shot JFK, or for that matter, JR? Why are parkways where you drive and driveways where you park? And lastly, most scarily: How do you know if you're the low-roller?